Random Post – What’s with all the judgment?

Since I saw a Facebook post this morning, something has been on my mind.  And my blog has become my go to place for personal thoughts (certainly not Facebook where it’s too combative.)  So here I am talking about judgmental people.

Listen, I could be super serious here and talk about all the judgments we make on one another and how wrong that is.  But, it’s almost always the little things that irritate me the most.  This is a little thing.  (But is it?  As I’m typing I’m not so sure it’s a little thing.)

A local radio show asked the question – “Even if you aren’t a mother, why do you think you should get a Mother’s Day gift?”  They meant it to be fun.  “I want a Mother’s Day gift because I take care of my husband.”  Or, “I deserve a gift for dealing with my coworkers.”

Several of the commenters stated that they didn’t have any human children but did have pet babies and thought their significant other should get them a Mother’s Day gift.  It was sweet and cute.  My husband has gotten me things for Mother’s Day from my two dogs and cat.  It made me feel good.

Then the responses – “To all these people saying that they are Mothers to pets – You aren’t.  Mothers have human children. Pets aren’t children.  You don’t know love or being a mother until you have a child.”  The tone of all of these was so condescending and judgmental that it has grated on my nerves for hours.  AND IT WAS ALL WOMEN TREATING OTHER WOMEN BADLY.  Why do we do this?  Why can’t we stick together, accept our differences and embrace each other?

I don’t have children.  It’s none of your business as to why or why not.  That is between me and my husband.  I do love my pets and will call them my “kids” to those who understand.  They are my companions and are more loyal and kind than most of the people I deal with on a daily basis.  So, yeah, they are my family.

I have dealt with some ‘mommy’ judgment before.  When you are a woman of a certain age and haven’t had children, it’s a given that some (not all) of the mothers out there will treat you like an outcast either with unwanted pity or with the condescending comments while giving you the side eye to make sure that you understand they are addressing it to you.  “I never knew love until I had my child.”  “I feel sorry for those that don’t know the love of a child.”  All of this may be true.  And I am super happy for every mother out there who feels this way.  But, don’t throw that judgement on me that I am less of a woman or caretaker because I haven’t birthed a child.  Unless you are great friends with someone, you don’t know their circumstances.  They may have tried and tried to have kids unsuccessfully.  That person may have had a miscarriage.  Or, what about someone who has lost a child and choses to give that love an outlet with a pet?  Maybe they just felt they didn’t want a child, couldn’t afford a child or wanted to live a different life.  Seriously, who are you to judge them?  It infuriates me.

I’ll keep my fur babies.  Thank you very much.  They love unconditionally, know when I need them and, best of all, don’t talk back.

End of rant.

5 thoughts on “Random Post – What’s with all the judgment?

    • I’m sorry to hear that. :(. You can virtually hug mine. They love hugs. I guess I just don’t understand why we don’t accept people for who they are and their choices. Especially in something as personal as this. A woman I went to high school with has tried for YEARS to have a child and it has been so difficult for her with miscarriages, etc. She is now trying to adopt because she feels the call to be a mother. I guarantee you she is already more of a mother than many out there. She is a teacher and a 2nd mother to all of her students. How horrible would it be if she called her dog her “kid” offhandedly and someone tried to tell her she wasn’t a mother. Just kills me.

      • I absolutely agree. There are particular reasons why my husband and I chose not to have children even though we both love them. When I was still working as a children’s librarian, I don’t know how many times people told me what a wonderful mother I’d be. I know they meant well, but it would drive me up the wall! I’m sending your fur babies virtual Mother’s Day hugs.

  1. A great post.

    While I have children, I must admit that when I look at the way our world is – I wonder if I’d waited a few more years and had the eyes that I do now, if I’d have wanted to have children. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but the point is more about the world out there which we are bringing our children into. I completely respect people who choose not to have children of their own.

    I also feel that a woman has a right to share her maternal instincts any bloody way she desires. We also have animal babies in our house and we cater to the ‘what’s daddy/mommy got for you’ etc. One simply ‘feels’ the desire to share love and nurturing and build a unit of support. People who criticize, simply have not been gifted with the opportunity to explore or understand its full capacity? Should we perhaps feel sorry for them? haha. I am sure they wouldn’t think so.

    Its a gross lack of respect for any person to look upon a woman who has no children with contempt, pity or judgement – be that by her choice or circumstances and judge her by her ability to procreate. It’s her right to be the person she was meant to be. Who is anybody to judge that.

    The whole concept of being judgemental.. Yes. One has to love that as many sunshine stories you will hear, there will be simply not a handful, but generally many handfuls of people who will have to tear it apart… ‘there is a typo’ that person cant be of this language, they cant even get the sentence structure right’ why do they even try if they cant get the language proper.’ It doesn’t matter if what that person had written was true or of value – someone simply had to find something to pick apart… and we see it everywhere not just in your observation with the radio station. ‘look that person is so fat, what can eh/she possibly know about …. ‘ and the list goes on and on. The world is basically filled with jerks.

    The unfortunate reality is that regardless of what you will see posted these days, there will be someone who simply has to try and ruin a good moment, a funny time – be the scrooge. And the sad part is, you can tell they take a serious joy in the event. For some reason this seems to be a trend. In a way it almost feels like a twist for bullies to still be able to bully without actually being called out on it. This is a trend that we are about as effective with stopping as bullying itself.

    We all have a right to an opinion but when pointed at others, we should always be looking for constructive POSITIVE commentary to uplift rather than pull down. Sadly, I doubt we will be seeing this any time soon.

    • Thank you and thank you! “The world is basically filled with jerks.” I’d like to think this isn’t the case but I tell you that the last few weeks have pushed me hard on that belief. So much jerkiness over inconsequential things. It’s hard to understand why people feel the need to do this.

      I spent yesterday afternoon and evening with some friends that have 3 kids (a blended family). The mother never makes me feel like a lesser person. She likes the fact that I play with her kids, help out when I’m there and don’t give her judgement on how she chooses to mother. Seriously, it is just that simple.

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